i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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