Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
barbara walters just said penis...
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
