I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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