At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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