I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
