Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
