butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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