What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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