Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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