i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
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The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
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I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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