I think i peed on brittanys purse
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
