Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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