I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
