My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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