you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
