Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
You smell like stripper and shame
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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