My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
