I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
