You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
