My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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