i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
