Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
