worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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