i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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