too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
