Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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