but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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