"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
