He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
