Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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