Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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