when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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