you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
