If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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