I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Randomize
