those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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