shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
