go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
