My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
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I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
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Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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