Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Randomize
