Can i not drive my cunt home
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
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Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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