There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
