i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
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He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
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Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
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