I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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