Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
