My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
