Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
