I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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