peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
