He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
