I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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