I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
