Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
