what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
