You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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