The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Its about making memories worth repressing
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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