I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
