Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
